I Drank Until I Saw You Next To Me
by ThatOneGoodWriter
Summary: Clarissa Morgenstern, a runaway, wakes up in a white van with four strangers, one of whom is a golden eyed drug addict. Clarissa forms a connection with him as an adventure is in the making. Clace.
1. Chapter 1

Waves of nausea seemed to slam her head and she let out a soft groan, seeing anything but light. She brought her hand to her face and felt sweat. Her hair was plastered on her skin like glue and her lips were burning. She began to feel something on her. Something quite heavy. Her eyebrows rose in question. Where was she? She tried to sit up but the weight that was on her only grew. She heard the distinct sound of something moving. The thing that was on her was moving! She screamed and pushed the thing off of her, surprised at her sudden strength.

She realized it was a person and he was cursing rather colorfully. A light flashed in the space but it was rather small. A flashlight. She looked up at who it belonged to and saw an annoyed looking man, tawny eyes blazing with confusion but anger. "Where the hell am I?" He mumbled, swiping his hair out of his eyes. He moved the flashlight to his surroundings and she yelped when she saw three other people, one of them her best friend. Simon. He was now situating his glasses to the darkness and she almost felt sorry for him if not that she was in the same situation. "Si?" He peered up and the golden boy flashed the light on Clary who thanked him silently.

Simon's lips parted. "Clary? What happened? What is this?" The space was so small. It was hard for Clary to even breath as the hot air took over her. The golden boy laughed but his eyes were dull.

"It's a fucking van." He noticed, a frown setting on his face. His expression contorted. "Why the hell are we in a _fucking van_?" Apparently, they were in the back of a van and he was trying to open the latch with some difficulty. She rose and slowly approached him, lightly touching his shoulder. He tensed and she pulled her hand away hesitantly.

"I can handle the latch." She said and he nodded his head quietly before stepping to the side. Her fingers were shaking and she listened as the other two strangers appeared to panic. She was in no mood to make friends. How did she get here? With Simon? And these people? Her thoughts never cleared even when the click of a lock was heard. The boy beside her slammed his shoulder on the door and it flew open. It was night time. That was all they figured.

Clary stumbled forward and grabbed the hem of Simon's collar. They climbed out of the white van, the golden boy saying something to the other two. "Clary, who are they?" Simon asked, as she pulled on his arm. Clary wiped at her eyes. She peered down at her body. She was wearing a short blue dress, one that reached just below her hips. A green cardigan was thrown over her shoulders and she was glad for the warmth.

"I don't know. I just want to go home." He rummaged in his pocket abruptly and tugged at his cell phone. Her eyes grew wide. Yes! Clicking a few buttons, she could see the frustration shown on his pale face. He stomped his foot and threw the device on the ground.

"No signal." He explained and her hope crumbled. She paced back and forth. The sky was purple and blue, a rare color. On a normal night, she would draw the scenery but she was busy trying to figure out where the hell she was. The lack of light also bothered her and the boy brought his light onto her face. His expression was unreadable.

"Okay. Fucking look." He announced, staring at her but talking to all of them. "You need to stop fucking crying." He pointed to a tall, dark haired girl who was clinging on a boy who resembled her looks. Her mascara was smeared but Clary could tell that she was beautiful. "We have to find connection, that's for sure. I don't know how the hell I got here but I'm not stayin'. Take out your phone and walk around, not too far though cause I won't be bringing your sorry asses back. Look for connection then call somebody."

"What if there is no connection?" The dark haired girl asked, sniffling slightly.

He shrugged. "Don't know. Now separate and keep looking." Clary whirled to see Simon saying something to the girl and her emerald eyes narrowed. Did they know each other somehow? She ignored her best friend and searched for her phone in her satchel. A few long moments later, she found it and clicked it open. Nothing. She pressed the button longer. Nothing. No charge. She bit her lip to keep from crying. This was horrifying. Something moved behind her and she realized it was the golden guy again. His eyes landed on her phone then her face.

"Come on. We'll use mine." His voice unusually soft. He led the way and she closely followed, turning her head occasionally to try and see something that could help them but it was a failed attempt. His steps halted abruptly and she crashed into him, apologizing quickly just in case his temper would return. He didn't say anything. "There's no connection. Piece of shit iphone for nothing."

He grasped her arm and lugged her back in the direction they came from. He tugged away almost instantly when they reached the van. She sat on the edge of the backseat, doors open and he was checking the inside of the truck for something that could give them the slightest of clues. Clary placed her head in her hands and felt wet tears escape her orbs. She sucked in a few breaths. She wanted to go home. She wanted to see her mom. What had happened? She couldn't even remember. Coughing, she glanced to see golden guy staring at her. "What?" She asked, suddenly alarmed.

He shook his head. "What's your name?"

"Clary." She replied, seeing the others return, looks of dejection on their faces. They didn't find anything.

"What's yours?" Clary countered.

"Jace."

"Jace," She tested, "How long do you think we'll be here?"

He scoffed. "The truth?" She nodded her head.

"Long time considering it's night already." A sigh escaped her throat. Simon sat beside her and pulled her into an oddly comfortable hug. She breathed in his scent, the only thing from home. He ran his hand down her hair and she met his eyes in uncertainty.

"Do you remember anything? Anything?" The silence answered her question and he simply placed his head on her shoulder. The two siblings in front of them were arguing about something involving getting drunk and Jace, she couldn't even find him. They were lost.

Utterly lost in the middle of nowhere.


	2. Chapter 2

She breathed softly, her arms wrapped around her body. She was cold. It was freezing outside and they had found out that there wasn't any keys in the van. She was tired, exhausted. She wasn't one to sleep easily as her eyelids drooped then lifted just as quickly. Sitting up in frustration, Clary blinked her eyes and saw that the siblings were slumbering. Simon was beside her, his glasses askew. Her expression softened and she plucked them off and placed them into her pockets afraid he would have another tantrum if the lenses cracked. She rose to her feet as quietly as possible and stepped away from their bodies to open the doors and feel the air outdoors.

She sat on the sandy ground and crossed her legs over one another. Her forest eyes stared at the now black sky, no longer illuminated by stars. She traced dust with her finger longing for her sketchbook and itching for a pencil. Once it would hit morning, they would search for the nearest store for their exact location. She wanted to get this over with. Her eyebrows rose when she saw a shadow standing over her. Jace. He appeared just as surprised at her presence but recovered instantly, rolling his eyes.

"Guessing you can't sleep." It wasn't a question. He seemed to know.

"I can't either." He admitted before taking a seat next to her, something white tucked into his hands.

"What is that?" She asked, her curiousity peaking. He looked like he almost forgot that he had it.

"Oh. Pills." She pushed her curls back and nodded.

The starry night above swallowed them and Clary remained silent, tucking her head into her knees and gazing upwards. He was fidgeting with something on his neck but she didn't bother looking at him.

"What are you?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She turned to face him and saw that his tawny eyes were hooded, his head thrown back.

"I deal with drugs." He answered simply, pursing his lips and finally staring at her. He had a sharp jaw and one of his teeth was chipped. He had dark eyebrows that didn't match the shade of his halo of hair. He appeared to be careless, his attire slightly filthy with grime. "You?" He questioned, quirking a brow.

She sighed, staring down at her battered sneakers. "Runaway."

He laughed. "What's so funny?" Clary accused, sending him a pointed glare.

Jace waved his hand in the air. "You just look like a good girl."

Clary snorted and pushed him roughly on the shoulder with some confidence. "That's sort of the opposite image actually."

He didn't respond and threw her his jacket. She smirked before replying at the gesture, "Is this some sort of romance movie scene I'm missing?"

Jace grinned wickedly, no emotion drawn on his face. "Trust me sis, aint no love exist out here."

She smiled in agreement, pumping her fist in the air. "Hells yeah!"

"Why the fuck do I hear joy? Unless there's some damn connection..." An angry feminine voice demanded. The girl had somehow wiped off the makeup on her face and that only seemed to enhance her beauty. She was tall compared to Clary's short size. Her brother arrived to the area several moments later, a yawn escaping his lips.

"No connection." Clary confirmed and the girl's shoulders slumped.

"Well, it's nearly morning so I guess we'll have to wait." She said, introducing herself as Isabelle or rather 'Izzy'. Her brother Alec was quiet but observant and only gave Jace a small nod. Simon was still sleeping. She expected that.

"How the fuck did we all end up in this shithole?" Jace started, pulling out a cigarette and sticking it between his lips. Isabelle twisted a strand of her dark hair.

"The hell do I know?"

Alec wrapped his arms around himself. "We're just as clueless as you guys are."

"So who are you guys exactly?" Clary decided to ask, trying to pass as much time as possible. "Runaway." She pointed to Jace. "Drug dealer."

Isabelle whistled as if she was impressed. "Pregnant. But no belly bump yet."

"Where's the guy?" Clary wanted to smack Jace at the question, already knowing what Isabelle would say.

"Left once he found out." Alec winced as his sister uttered the words.

"Huh. Douche." Clary commented, sticking her tongue out. Isabelle laughed, leaning her head on Alec's shoulder. He rolled his electric blue eyes but didn't move.

"And you?" Jace shifted his gaze to him, sudden interest playing at his orbs.

Alec looked uncomfortable for a second. Isabelle noticed and answered for him. "He's gay. And he's just with me. No biz whatsoever."

No one said anything for a while as Jace puffed smoke from his parted lips. Clary laughed whipping her auburn hair back. The group looked at her in slight surprise. "We're all fucked." Isabelle smirked and blinked her eyes innocently.

"Yea we are." Jace said, placing his arms behind his head and lying down.


	3. Chapter 3

They had waited for morning to come for so long and just as the sun rose above them despite the freezing weather, she called to the others to wake up. Isabelle groaned, rubbing her eyes and her older brother and Jace stood side by side talking to one another quietly. Simon cursed and searched for his glasses. Once he placed them over his eyes, a grin appeared on his lips. "I have never been so happy to see the damn sun." Isabelle laughed and his ears turned into a light pink shade. Probably embarrassment at the sudden outburst.

The sky was a deep hue of lavender and grey nearly shimmering with lost clouds. Rays of sunshine seemed to lay behind the bars of the white puffs. She finally got a clear look at where they were and it appeared to be some sort of desert. There wasn't grass but instead sand and dried soil. The air was thick and hazy and Clary wiped her hand over her forehead, removing beads of sweat. "I never seen you in so long." She heard Simon say taking a seat beside her. She turned to face him with a small smile. "You've changed so much." He said, staring at what she was wearing than back at her pale face.

"Yea, well, if you haven't seen someone in four years they're bound to change." Her voice was bitter but he looked as if he hadn't noticed. He was still oblivious to whatever she thought. At least that was the same.

"Jocelyn-" Simon started and she waved her hand in the air angrily.

"I don't want to hear about her. Ever. I don't want to hear about anything from the past. You don't know what I've been through ever since then. I'm not the same, Si." She sighed. "I miss you but I don't even know what we are."

His brown orbs filled with slight hurt and a frown was placed on his face. She regretted uttering the words but it was too late and she had said the truth. He sauntered away after that, not before telling her he was sorry. She blinked tears away. Simon was her only supporter. Only supporter when she was in need. Then she left but never forgot about him.

Releasing a breath, Clary listened to Jace tell the others to gather whatever they had because they were moving forward. She didn't know who appointed him as 'leader' but it didn't matter because he remained to take charge. She really didn't have anything to bring since her satchel had been wrapped around her through the night.

"Let's hope we can find a store cause pregnant women need food." Isabelle whined, pouting playfully. Alec glanced her way in worry and whispered something to her. She stayed silent after that.

Simon walked behind them as if he was afraid to walk beside her. Rubbing her arms to catch some heat, she didn't notice Jace appear next to her until he said, "Bad day?"

She shook her head. "Oh, no. I'm in the middle of nowhere with strangers. It can't be bad, right?" Her sarcasm made him chuckle and he nodded his head in agreement.

His tawny hair tumbled over his eyes and he waved it away. "You're a pretty cool chick, Clare."

Startled at the comment, she replied with a smile, "Thanks. And for a stranger, you don't seem like a rapist." He bowed at the compliment before sticking a cigarette between his lips. Bringing his hands together, he lit it with a match.

They kept on trudging on and on in silence but he was still in arm's reach. One hand was in his pocket, the other holding his cigarette. Simon was speaking to Isabelle and she was giggling as her brother shook his head in disapprovement. Clary kicked at the dust in frustration, biting her lip and wondering what they would do next. There wasn't really much hope.

"Clare?"

She was surprised to hear his voice. "Yeah?"

"Why'd you run away?"

"It's really none of your business." Clary scowled, not wanting to ruin their growing friendship but not wanting to reveal secrets of her past.

He raised his hands in defense and she whispered, "Sorry. I just...don't wanna talk about it."

Jace nodded, his golden eyes staring ahead. "I get it." He didn't sound like he did.

She left it at that and after what felt like nearly an hour, her legs were aching. There were blisters on her ankles and she wanted to take some time to rest but they all seemed to have lots of energy left so she didn't complain. "Ay, " Jace shouted, cupping his mouth. Simon, Alec, and Isabelle whirled upon his yell. "We're taking a rest. Sit the fuck down." Isabelle rolled her eyes but turned to walk their way.

"You're welcome." Jace said, nudging her shoulder lightly. She gave him a thankful smile and lowered herself to the ground where he was situated.

"Shit, " Izzy noticed, "That looks bad." Her dark eyes were trained on the red blisters on Ckary's body.

Jace groaned and placed his head in his hands, furiously playing with his hair. "I can't take this anymore!" The sudden cry was baffling and Clary couldn't help but stare at him. They were all in the same situation.

"We're here too so you complaining won't help." Simon retorted, his tone incredibly dry. His eyebrows were raised in slight challenge and a look of determination was set on his face.

Jace slowly pulled his head higher and said, dangerously slow and quiet, "I'm a fuckin' drug addict. I need these pills." He rummaged into his pocket and threw down two pills onto the ground. Isabelle scrambled away in shock, her brother narrowing his eyes. Jace then pulled out his cigarette box and showed it to them. There were three more left. "I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do if I don't get any. Shit." He realized. "Shit!" He shouted again and Simon pulled the tall girl away from the angry Jace. Alec followed suit not before sending Clary a warning glance.

It was quiet for a long time and Clary didn't know what to say. He was breathing rapidly whether in anger or something involving his health, she did not know. She decided to stick to the easy response and said softly enough for him to hear, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay. You'll be fine." He peered up instantly, his eyes bloodshot and hair a ragged mess.

Instead of cursing, he nodded his head a few times as if trying to convince himself. Then he fixed his gaze on her. "I really hope so cause I don't know what I'll do."

 **A/N: Review for the next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

They slept on the ground that night. Literally. On the cold, shiver causing sandy floors. No blankets. No pillows. Clary had lent her cardigan to Isabelle; Alec did the same, fearing his sister and the baby would somehow end up hurt. Simon had somehow rummaged into his pocket and found a few brownies which Clary would never guess was even there. They ate them like it was their last meal but she gave her food to Isabelle whose body seemed to be thinning. At least, that's what it looked like.

When they awoke, Clary immediately wanted to keep walking. Maye sprint even. They all agreed. Not before Simon used the bathroom, a disgusted expression plastered on his sleepy face. Jace leaned to her side as Simon spoke with Isabelle and Alec trudged alone, occasionally glancing at his younger sister. Jace was abnormally quiet but Clary didn't mind. Who was she to ask if he was okay? They barely knew each other and that was that. Her short dress clung to her body and she shook her hair out of its loose ponytail tired of strands sticking onto her neck and forehead.

"A cigarette? Do you have one?" She asked suddenly, knowing full well he might blow up because he had already explained he was running out.

His eyebrow rose in slight surprise and he tugged at his box and pulled out the last white stick. Fishing out his lighter, he handed it to her, the smell of ash filling the air around them. She took a long drag through her nose. She had never been a smoker. Not out of habit. She was just stressed. Clary passed it to his outstretched fingers and he released breaths of smoke before giving it back to her. In the end, the cigarette was tossed to the ground.

"Ducks." Jace stated, his voice abruptly playful.

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What?"

He didn't reply and she seemed to catch at what he was saying. "Sharks."

"Water."

"Sea." Clary said, a smile curling onto her lips.

"Ocean."

"Beach."

"Birds." He countered.

"Dukey."

He shut his eyes and thought for a moment. "Toilet."

"Bathroom."

"Toothpaste."

That set her off. She bit her lip anxiously as he watched her as if challenging what she could say next. Placing her hands in the air, Clary pronounced her defeat and he laughed, shaking his head repeatedly.

"You could've said toothbrush. How the hell couldn't you think of that?" Curls of his tawny hair shook over his eyes and he didn't bother to move them away. If Clary had just met him, she would've thought he was a jock. A player maybe. Or basically a rich kid. Not a drug addict. Not a funny guy. Not a rebel.

She heard a loud shout. A loud, ear piercing shout from ahead of them. "A sign. I found a sign bitches!" Isabelle. She was pointing at a dusty and small green sign that read:

Shell Gas Station; 1/4 mile

Simon laughed and pumped his hands into the air awkwardly. Isabelle embraced her brother who appeared to be too surprised to speak but looked greatful. Clary sighed in relief and ran a hand through her hair. They were nearly there. Jace hadn't said anything and she turned to him expectantly.

"Aren't you happy?" She asked, sauntering faster to catch up to him.

He pursed his lips. "Nah. I'm good. I need to get some cigarettes anyway." She nodded her head at the response.

"Can you run it?"

"Run what?" He questioned, pulling his hands out of his pockets.

"Run the rest of the way to the shithole." A grin spread across his face and he took off leaving her standing jaw clenching. She darted after him, passing by a confused Isabelle and Alec who stared after them like they were insane and slightly demented. Clary was running barefoot, feeling the breeze streak through her hair. She finally caught up to him and he winked before passing her again and he was laughing, his chest heaving. When they spotted the empty gas station ahead, they both stopped. Clary bent down and released heavy breaths, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

Jace gave her a thumbs up but ruined it by saying, "Beat it." She rolled her eyes and yanked open the door of the small mart, him in tact. Air conditioning was the only thing she felt in the room and she desperately wanted to sleep there. A young man stood behind the counter, flicking through buttons on his phone. He glanced up at their arrival and shoved the device into his pocket. A black piercing was attached to the right side of his nose. He had hazel eyes and dark hair. He seemed to be around her age.

"Where is this place?" She exclaimed, leaning forward and tapping her fingers on the counter.

He looked at her as if she was a refugee. "Um...Excuse me?"

Jace glared at him. "Where. The. Fuck. Is. This. Place."

The man instead stared at Clary. "Texas. El Paso, Texas." His voice was dry.

Her face fell immediately and Jace noticed. She dropped her head into her hands and listened as the doors rang and the voices of Alec, Isabelle, and Simon filled the space. "Oh god."

Jace said something and it sounded like, "You were right. This place is a shithole."


	5. Chapter 5

Her fingers were itching as she ran them down her hair in frustration and fear. Tears sprang from her eyes unwillingly and she wiped them away from her cheeks quickly, afraid they would see. Isabelle held onto Alec as they both argued whether to call their parents or not. Simon had phoned his mother who was worried sick and was driving to the gas station as soon as possible. She coughed several times then took long breaths. "Clary, I could call Jocely-"

"Don't fucking say her name! Don't fucking say it. I don't need her. I never did!" She screamed and pushed him away from him, catching his expression of hurt and guilt. She didn't care.

Isabelle glanced at her and tried to form some words. "He has a point. Shouldn't you call your parents?" She asked, her tone tinged with surprise.

Clary tore her emerald orbs away from the group and darted passed the doors, trying to get a good distance from them. She dropped down to a small curb and placed her head into her lap. She whimpered quietly and rocked her small figure back and forth. The sky was beginning to darken into a blue and violet hue. She bit her lip and just waited. Where would she go? Who would take her? She had nobody. "Clare? You alright?" Jace. He sat beside her and she caught the smell of smoke and assumed he had bought a new pack.

She didn't say anything. "You don't have family, do you?" He asked, his voice soft, understanding even.

Clary nodded and brought a wrinkled tissue to wipe her nose. "Do you?" She replied, her voice strangely hoarse and weak.

"I don't really need them." And she laughed quietly, her lips breaking into a grin.

It was gone before she knew it. "Where are you going?" And she tried not to cry. Not to show or display weakness. The last words her mother had told her was that she was throwing away the best life. That she would regret it one day. That running away was stupid. That she regretted having her. And that was enough for Clary to end all ties with her past. Her family. Her brother. Her friends.

"Sorry." Jace muttered, cursing a moment after. Before Clary could leave him sitting there, she felt his hand on her hers and whipped her face to meet his eyes. He was grinning, molten eyes hopeful. "If you don't got anybody, then so do I. Shit. I'll be here right next to you." And she hugged him. Crushing her head into the crook of his neck. She heard him say something about girls and cooties which only made her smile gratefully. She wouldn't be alone now. He was here. He was like her.

He let go of her, his cheeks tinted a light pink color. "Where are we gonna go?" She asked hesitantly, twisting a strand of her hair as they both rose their feet.

Jace stomped on his cigarette a couple of times, watching as the fire died. "I don't even know." His voice wistful.

She followed him back inside.

 **[A/N]: This story will have quick updates, but short chapters! Just a reminder. Thank you. Please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

Clary watched as a car parked in front of the rusty gas station. She shielded her eyes from the sun with the back of her hand. Jace stood next to her, eying the vehicle with some sort of envy. An older woman appeared from behind the wheel. Simon's mom. She could recognize her anywhere. Her brown hair and dark eyes. Chubby cheeks and red skin. Tears glistened in her orbs and she raced to her son as if he was on the verge of death. "Oh, baby. Honey! What got you here?" She ran her fingers on his face and embraced him tightly before letting go just as quickly.

She glanced at her and Jace. When her beady eyes found Clary, she stiffened. "Clarissa, is that you?" She almost whispered in disbelief. The woman almost darted to her but Clary immediately backed away, accidentally running into Jace's chest. She glanced up at him and he had a questioning expression on his face.

"It's-I.." She couldn't find the words to speak. It was too difficult. Seeing her mother's best friend in front of her. Worried. Not angry. Simon whispered something to his mom and she slowly nodded still staring at Clary. His curly hair bounced atop his head and he sauntered over to Clary, his eyes apologetic.

"Sorry. I didn't know. I guess I'll see you whenever." He stated as a goodbye and he hugged her and she smelled the familiar scent of his cotton t shirt and his cheap cologne.

When he turned to leave, she stopped him by gripping his wrist. "I love you Si. You know I do." He grinned. A big cheeky smile and gave her a wave before saying something to Isabelle and Alec who nodded him goodbye. Isabelle seemed to be more emotional than the rest. Her hair covered her face. Clary couldn't help but wonder if she had had feelings for Simon. The two got into the car and appeared to have a discussion. Minutes passed and Clary grew bored of waiting for their departure. She turned to Jace who quirked an eyebrow.

"Do you think you can convince the guy to give us some food?" He nodded and they trudged silently to the station store where he started a conversation with the somewhat emo cashier. Clary searched the aisles and grabbed a bottle of beer and a honey bun. It was a weird combination but it was better than being hungry. She met with Jace and he showed the items to the young man who shrugged and told them to leave before his manager arrived.

When she walked outside she met the warm breeze that ruffled her dress. Simon's mom was not there. Nor was her car. But Simon was. He was laughing with Isabelle. Jace mumbled something about him being a jackass. Simon met her gaze and called out, "What? Am I not allowed to hang out with my new friends?"

Clary scoffed but released a laugh. "Friends, my ass." She was sort of happy though. She wanted Simon there. And she wanted Jace too.

"The nearest town is about five minutes away from here." Jace said as he crushed his cigarette with his boot.

"Alright then." She took a long sip of her sparkling beer and shouted for the others to follow. They agreed and did.

Her eyesight was getting blurry but she liked the feeling of being sort of drunk. She was used to it. The acid burned in her throat and left a bitter after taste. Jace ran his hand through his hair. "Shit, I need a shower." Clary laughed.

"We all do." He smiled before shaking his head at her input.

She stumbled abruptly and his arm was there to steady her. She groaned slightly and shut her eyelids. "You drank one beer and you're drunk?" Jace questioned, golden orbs surprised.

She raised her hand and showed him her fingers. "Damn. Three?" Clary nodded, grinning lazily still unaware that she was holding tightly to his hand.

"Stupid." He mouthed, his lips curving. She scowled at the insult and shoved him away but he remained holding on to her. She didn't mind. She liked him closer to her.

After what seemed to be a long time of Jace keeping Clary on balance, they reached a small clothes shop. Isabelle screamed in victory and said something along the lines of bathroom. They watched as customers exited the store and entered. Isabelle ran in with energy many would not have expected a pregnant woman to have. Alec followed while Simon tagged along, whispering something to him.

"Jace..." Her words were slurred.

He hummed a reply.

"I want to stay-stay for a while. Here." He sighed and sat on the pavement tugging her down with him.

She placed her head in her hands and released a short burp. Jace acted disgusted and she laughed, enjoying the curl of his lips. Clary glanced to the boy beside her. He was lying on the sidewalk, his eyes focused on the sky. She couldn't read his expression. She reached for the glass bottle inches away from her feet and lifted it to her mouth. The smell of alcohol filled her nostrils and she shut her eyelids to the slight headache that flooded a part of her head. Jace spoke first. "Are you ever gonna tell me why you ran away?"

Clary pursed her lips. "Why do want to know?"

"I just do." She peered over at him and saw that he was serious, no amusement etched on his face.

"I found this guy in highschool. He was perfect. He was a very popular kid, the kind I would never even look at. And, one day, he asked me out. I just thought it was a joke. A big hoax. But he actually liked me. And right after school ended he wanted to marry me. Everybody thought we were too young. Our parents disapproved obviously. Kind of cliche though. And we ran away. I remember being in the club with him one night and he just disappeared. For months I mean. I never heard from him since. I ended up here in Texas when I lived in New York." She smiled softly at the story. It was so familiar. So distant.

Jace hadn't said anything yet. His hair stuck to his forehead and his arms were outstretched. "I told you mine. Tell me yours."

He grinned, flicking his gaze from her to his cigarette. "Uh, well I came from an orphanage. Didn't really know my parents to begin with. At 18, the orphanage couldn't take care 'o me. So I left and that's pretty much it. I got a few friends and we have our own joint business. I lived in Los Angeles. I don't know why the hell I'm here." He breathed and Clary smiled lightly, feeling confident enough to bring her fingers through his fair hair.

Jace pursed his lips and stared at her. Her red hair was plastered around her neck, the fire never dying. Her vibrant eyes flickered from his face and back upwards where she appeared lost in thought. "I like you, Jace." She said quietly.

Jace's lips parted and he launched his cigarette to the ground with a flick of his finger. Leaning on his elbows, he propped himself inches away from her figure. She shook her head in amusement and pressed a ginger kiss to his cheek. "I like this shithole when I'm with you." He replied, shaking his hair out of his tawny orbs.

Clary took a long mouthful of beer and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "Me too babe. Me too."


	7. Chapter 7

" _I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."_

Sarah Williams

She stared at her hands then moved her gaze to the orange sky. Streaked with pink stripes and lost, floating clouds. " _Clary. Clary, look at me."_ Almost as if jolted awake from a bad dream, she drifted back to the urging voice, finding solace in the sound. He was shaking his fingers in the air in front of her face. She blinked and focused on his eyes. Tiny little circles of gold swirled in them.

"Sorry?"

He sighed and he seemed exasperated by her behavior. What had she been thinking about before? In a softer tone, he spoke. "Look at me." She was looking. What did he want? She flicked her hair back into its loose braids. She saw his tawny hair, appearing like a halo with the sun shining on it. She saw his lips. Swollen from his bad habit of biting on them when he was frustrated. She saw his face. A brilliant image to peer at.

Clary released a breath. "I'm sorry." His shoulders sagged a bit but he smiled. A tired smile at that. He brought his hands hesitantly to her shoulders. She didn't pull away.

"That's okay." He nodded. "That's okay. Sometimes you just..." He faltered, trying to think of a way to continue. "You just go into another world. Another universe. And that's fine by me. But you just leave me behind." She clutched her fists to stop them from shaking.

It was nearing evening. The group was approaching a hotel. Two stars but that was completely fine. Simon had his mother's credit card. Apparently, she had lent it to him and told him to be safe. Clary wasn't surprised. Even as a child playing in Simon's room, she'd found that his parents believed in his own development and free will. It wasn't careless, she thought. It was a sort of beautiful way of growing up. Now she wondered why he bothered to stay with them. Alec had called his parents and they were worried sick. Crying and calling the cops about their missing children. "I'm fine, mum. Isabelle is-oh, come on. You know I can take care of her. Don't worry, sheesh. We're coming home." And at the finality of his statement, Izzy grew angry. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay. Her brother's veins looked ready to pop.

"What do you mean, stay? Stay where?"

Her hand was on her stomach, a habit that every mother had at some point. She was observing Simon. He was talking to Clary, a wistful expression on his face. "I'm staying. You can go to mum and dad. I don't care." She was so fierce in that moment that Clary truly thought that she'd made an awesome mom one day.

Alec cursed. "You're kidding me. For how long? You're pregnant, god damn it. You can't fool around like this!" He was pacing frantically, hands tapping against his legs.

Isabelle didn't seem fazed. She glared, her brown eyes vicious. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do. You weren't there when I had sex. And you weren't there when I found out about this!" She pointed to the offspring in her stomach. His lips parted. He leaned closer to her. She deflated like a balloon afterwards, her eyebrows falling into place again. "I'm staying. You don't have to, Alec. Just please, stop making a big deal out of things." It took him about a half an hour to wrap his mind around things and when he did, he embraced his sister and whispered some stuff into her ears. After that, well, they decided to stay. For what it was worth, Clary didn't know.

She had her phone in her hand. There was signal. She dialed a number, watching Jace's face change. He pulled his eyes away from her and grabbed a cigarette from his never ending box. Lit it and ignored her. "Hey, Raph. I'm okay. No, I'm fine. Really. Yea. I'm sorry. Is everything okay at the bar? What? What do you mean? I-I can still come back. You know me, Raphael. I don't get why. I was your best-Whatever." She blinked the tears in her eyes and covered her mouth with her arm. She breathed in and out but nothing worked. She had lost her job. For what? For disappearing and ending up in a shady truck.

"Bad news?" Jace asked, stepping on his cigarette.

She nodded, unable to muffle the noises coming out of her mouth.

He bent and sat in front of her. She could hear Isabelle and Simon laughing somewhere in the distance. Alec calling someone, his voice playful and human. She wondered why they had decided to stay. Why in their right minds they would want to be with strangers in a foreign place. "I think your rat friend likes Izzy."

Clary sniffled and shrugged. "They make a good pair." She looked in his direction. "Are you gonna call anyone?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Don't really need to make any calls."

"Okay."

She winced in surprise when his fingers traced along her cheeks. She didn't move, only shut her eyelids at his gentle touch. He leaned closer to her, asking for any sort of permission. She nodded her head barely. She listened to him exhale in relief. His hands found their way to either side of her face, tugging her so close their breaths mingled. Her heart beats were louder. Pounding and thudding. Crackling and popping. His forehead pressed against hers. Clary lifted her palms to his shoulders. He smelled like smoke and wood. Sunshine and fresh orchards. "I don't know what I'm doing." She heard him whisper, like he was talking to himself.

At his honest statement, she pushed herself away from him as if his skin had burned her. She stood, stiff as a rod, and tried to steady her rapid breathing. He was looking at her. She could feel his stare but she ignored him. "Clar-"

She started forward briskly and told him over her shoulder, "I don't want the same thing you want, Jace."

 **[]**

Simon turned to all of them, an apologetic smile on his face. He shrugged. "Sorry, guys. I've only got enough money for two rooms. Is that alright?"

Isabelle looked to be thinking. "How many beds in a room?"

He held up two fingers. She grinned. "That's completely fine. Simon and Alec with me. Clary and Jace can share the other room." Alec seemed uncomfortable at the idea. His hands wrung together nervously, blue gaze sweeping to the boy with glasses beside him.

"He's not sleeping with you." Simon coughed suddenly at the blatant demand and the dark haired beauty had the decency to blush. The air was filled with tension and a little bit of awkwardness. It was sort of sweet and kind of infuriating but Alec sounded resigned.

Simon recovered faster than the rest of them. "I can sleep on the ground." Clary's eyes softened. She knew he would volunteer. Her chest ached at the thought of the two siblings slumbering on their own beds while he was on the carpet.

She shook her head in disagreement. "Simon can sleep with me." She met Jace's face and saw the hardness of his expression when he looked away. His jaw was clenched tightly then it loosened so that his cigarette hung without much support.

Alec actually smiled. He raised his hands to clap. "I like that idea." Isabelle released a tiny sigh and Clary tried to make out what she was feeling. Maybe she had grown to like Simon afterall...

Simon gulped. "It's fi-"

"I want to. Like the old days, remember?" Knowing him for so many years, Clary had never thought of her ex-bestfriend as handsome but the way his eyes had lit up in that moment was priceless. There was something that had developed in him. It wasn't maturity. It was some sort of invisible understanding. And it made her glad.

Without waiting for anyone's input, she grabbed the door's key and headed up the elevator, not bothering to check if they followed or not.

 **[]**

The first thing she did when she entered the room was take a shower. She had never thought she would miss the presence of a tub and hot water. Steam filled the small room and Clary relished the smell of the bar of soap on the sill below her and the shampoo provided that spread an aroma of pomegranate and cherry. She sighed and leaned her forehead against the wall so that the shower head was spraying droplets of water on her back.

 _I'm such a...an idiot. How can I stay with them? They're complete strangers, Clary. Think straight! Go back home._ She swallowed a strangled sob. Where was home now that she had lost her job? Where was home when no one lived with her? Where was home when she was so lonely?

She tried her best to wipe the tears from her face with the help of a crisp towel and managed to walk out of the bathroom in a hotel robe, comfy and fluffy. When she turned the corner to the bedroom, she caught the sight of Simon putting his phone down. He was holding some clothes in his hand. It dawned on Clary that she had thrown her dress into the trash because it was so dirty. He looked up in pleasant surprise. "Hey. I got us some clothes from that thrift shop a few days ago. Thought we'd need it at some point." She could always count on him. Even when she had broken him time and time again.

"Thanks." She took a shirt that had an advertisement on the front, a phone number of a shop. He picked up some pants from his bed.

He tried to sound casual. "These are an extra pair of pants I found. They're a bit..."

She laughed a little. "Big, I know. I'll make it work. Go take a shower. You smell." She shooed him away playfully and was rewarded with a flick to the forehead. The realization of his old gesture made her sit on the bed for a few moments.

 _"I dare you! I triple the dog dare you, Fray!" She laughed, holding onto the thin branch. She gave a little dance that sent her friend rolling in laughter._

 _"Come on." He urged her on. She stared down at the distance between the tree and the ground. Swallowed slowly._

 _"A dare's a dare." He didn't stop rambling. His brown eyes were wide with anticipation and some excitement. His adrenaline was fueling her, she knew. Shuddering slightly and moving a little on the tree, she tried to get as comfortable as possible._

 _Jumped._

 _It didn't end as she had hoped. Her leg was broken. She had cried like a bitch. And Simon was calling his mom from the backyard. His voice was frantic but Clary couldnn't help the grin that spread across her cheeks. "I told you I'd do it. You sissy." He faced her in surprise. And noticed that her tears had stopped streaming. He shook his head, almost like he was used to her behavior but they were just kids. Instead of responding, he flicked her forehead._

 _"Ouch."_

The shirt was a bit large for her. Up to her knees large. She nearly fell in amusement when she stared at her reflection. She looked like the size of a grape. Clary sighed. "At least I don't have to bother with pants."

Still, she thought, she didn't like the sight of her freckles being shown. Hers legs were covered with tiny orange dots. Like polka dots. The hotel phone rung and Clary picked it up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Get your ass in here. There's an actual fucking television in here. Old stuff, but who cares? We're watching a movie. Bring Simon." It was Isabelle's voice. She rolled her eyes. In the background, she heard the distinct sound of Alec shouting about the hot water in their bathroom.

"Whatever you say."

 **[]**

It wasn't exactly cable. And it wasn't Netflix either but it was better than nothing particularly when the hotel didn't offer wifi connection. Simon immediately sprawled himself between Izzy and Alec. Alec stiffened but didn't bother saying anything. It was just a movie. The room was pretty small and the television, basically a pillow. Clary looked to find Jace sleeping on the other bed, his hair sprawled magnificently on the white surface. She could tell that he wasn't wearing a shirt. The blanket wrapped tightly around him.

Feeling for him, she called to the others who had just decided on _The Wizard of Oz_ , "Make sure the volume's low. He's sleeping." Isabelle nodded silently. She had a bowl of ice cream on her lap. Decorated with gummy bears and chocolate chips. Clary frowned. Were those the type of cravings a woman usually had when pregnant?

Trying not to venture into that subject, she situated herself on Jace's bed, the farthest corner from him. She thought of their last encounter. How could she have exposed herself so thoroughly? She glanced back at him. Saw his body rise softly upwards and down again. _Ever since meeting him, I'm becoming someone else. I can't do this._ She pursed her lips. _Not again. Not after everything._ She flipped her phone on its sides, seeing the screen light up with no new notifications. Somewhere in her head, she had hoped that Rapheal might call her again and hire her. But that wasn't going to happen. She listened to the familiar song Dorothy sang at the very beginning. A song of longing that Clary now understood.

 _somewhere over the rainbow_

 _skies are blue_

 _and the dreams that you dare to dream_

 _really to come true._

She blinked, realizing she had clicked on the her gallery icon. The only thing of her past she had decided not to delete. In her nostalgia, Clary scrolled through the images. She stopped at the very first one. It was Jonathon and her. Her brother was a gem. Nobody could ever take his place. His snowy, white hair and green eyes were a combination made for girls to cry about. Of course, this was an old picture. He was in college now, most likely Brown, his dream school. Playing football.

Then it was Sebastian. Over and over again. He had taken over her entire phone. She didn't hate him and she never would. She wondered where he had disappeared to and if he ever thought of her on lonely nights. Her body was a little fuller then. Her smile genuine. She pressed on the power button for a second or two and watched as the device darkened.

Clary focused on the tv. Alec was munching on popcorn. He was complaining that he didn't like butter but his sister silenced him with a soundly slap that made Simon chuckle. She felt the corners of her mouth rise. It wasn't so bad. Silently and hidden, she slid out of the room. They wouldn't notice she was gone anyway. She trudged into an elevator, headed to the lobby and went outside. It was a warm night. The sky dwindling with its last fiery stars.

She settled herself on the cement outside of the hotel and stared upwards. Everything seemed to be so much smaller when nature was involved. She hoped her mother was thinking of her, no matter where she was or however rough their relationship was. She hoped her dad would remember the daughter he had left behind when she was a mere baby. She hoped Sebastian was recalling what they had had together, even if he didn't think of it as much. She hoped and hoped and hoped. Because that was all she could do.

"Are you alright?" She faced the voice abruptly and regretted her action after. It was Jace. He was wearing a tank top now and shorts. Smoke flew from his lips. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

As she had thought, he didn't leave. He came closer and sat but Clary noticed that he left a good amount of space between them. He propped his head on his crouched knees. "I think you're not."

She was tired of being defensive so for once, she let herself be curious. "What makes you say that?"

He inhaled and exhaled. "Well, you left _The Wizard of Oz_ when Dorothy finally made it past the yellow brick road so there's that. I mean, that's the best part." She laughed, shocked at how the sound echoed in the night sky.

"Yeah." She breathed.

They were quiet after her last word but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. He was smoking and thinking and she was dancing and dreaming. They were a foot away from each other but miles and miles apart.

 **[]**

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